RELEVANT Magazine - The Church of Facebook

RELEVANT Magazine - The Church of Facebook

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Rain

I love the soft smell of rain
They way it whispers on the leaves
Everyone seems to talk a little softer
And the world moves a little slower

Old School

I just finished an assignment for my philosophy class. I love being back in school, but hate that I have to be back in school. I wish I had finished college years ago. But somehow now that I'm working full-time, have a wife and 5 month old son, and am very active at church I seem to be doing a lot better staying up on my school work. You might say that I've just grown up and I'm taking my responsibilities more seriously. But if you knew me you'd know that I don't take much too seriously. So I think school for me is actually an escape. I get to take a few minutes and forget about my other responsibilities and feel like I'm twenty-one again.
I just pray it doesn't take me another 12 years to finish.

Crazy Tonight

So last weekend I saw U2, again. As I predicted it was an amazing show, of course that's kind of like predicting that the Cubs won't win the world series.
The show did start off a tad slow, four straight songs from their new album. The overall song selection did leave me scratching my head a bit, but how do you pick from such an awesome catalog of music?
Perhaps the highlight of the show was when Bono said "it's Sunday night, welcome to our house, lets go to church" then they proceeded to play "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". For most of the first verse the band played very quietly and Bono held the mic to the crowd, 70,000 people singing, "I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields Only to be with you Only to be with you.", best worship service I've been to since... well the last time I saw U2.
We drove home that night, 5 hours of Illinois in the middle of the night. But it's great to have times like that with my brother, talking about the things we care about, trying to keep each other awake, and dreaming out loud.

Soldier Field

So this weekend i will journey north to chicago to see U2 at soldier field. This will be the 6th time i've seen them live, and i have yet to be disappointed. so anyway as i'll be sure to give a full report when i return.

Evolution

There's a book out called; "The Evolution of God". I haven't read the book, but the concept is interesting. It proposes that although God has not changed, our perception of Him has.
Now the book is written by a non-believer, and he talks about "god" not God. But I think the same can be said for us.
Our concept of God has changed. But it has not be time that has changed our perception, we have not evolved. This is a notion that I am a tad uncomfortable with. It would imply that we today have a greater knowledge or understanding of the creator of the universe than did those who lived before us, given that evolution is a progressive force and things that have evolved to not devolve again.
Rather, it is our circumstances that change our view. God simply chooses to reveal himself as we need to see Him.
In the Old Testament we see God several times as the powerful kickin' butt God. This was exactly the God that the Isrealites in captivity in Egypt or in Babylon needed to see. Likewise this is probably the same God that black slaves on a plantation in Georgia in the early 1800's saw.
The victim of abuse sees the loving hand of Jesus comforting her and healing her body and her heart.
The hungry see the God that watches over the sparrow.
The stagnant Christian needs see the God that turns over tables.
So if I were to look honestly what God would I see?

Sep 03, 2008 - Then Came Sunday... thanks Chad

I was driving home this evening, listening to a Chad Johnston CD.
Then Came Sunday came on, just then I looked west and saw a beautiful night sky.
And suddenly I remembered how great my life is.
I tend to forget that, and I think I had lately.
So I thank God for so much.
And I thank Chad for reminding me of it.

Nov 04, 2007 - Happiness (part 2)

at church today i learned a little about why i may be happy now.

God has spent the last year or so tearing away the things i was clinging to. at times it was painful, very painful. but now that i don't base my happiness on those things i have room to be really happy.

I'm still working on letting God fill those voids, but at least now I have room for Him.

Oct 22, 2007 - Kingdoms Rise and Kingdoms Fall

The weather's turning again.

I Love it.

This time last year was a strange time in my life. I had some of my best and worst days ever last fall/winter.

I look at how far I've come:
No job
No girlfriend
Not in school
Living with my parents

Yet for the first time in a very long time I am happy. Honestly happy, not because I am pleased with my current situation. But because I am happy with the person I am.

Not that I think I am perfect; I can still be an insensitive jerk, I still make foolish choices, I still have a lot of improvements to make.

But still I am happy. My joy is not in others or in my situation.

My situation could change any day, for better or worse. New friends and old friendships renewed may grow or fade.

But still I am happy.

If you're expecting a profound reasoning to my new found joy, I guess you'll have to read my next blog. Because I don't have one. When I do I'll be sure to let you know.

April 9, 2007 - Pocket Lent

hi, i know we haven't talked in a while. i'm sorry about that. after not talking to you for so long i just don't know where to start.
i've been to your house the last couple of weeks, but i couldn't get up the courage to talk to you.
you know i've never observed lent. i've always thought about it but never had the willpower to do it. although this year i finally gave up on some things i've held on to for so long.

The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.


i've finally managed to let go of the self-loathing and misery that have been my companions for so long. and they've been well replaced.
old relationships have been renewed
new relationships have begun (thank you)
damage relationships have been mended
a few have been scarred anew, but i pray those scars won't last long.
most of all i pray that i don't go back to my my old addictions.
anyway i just wanted to take a chance to thank you.

Nov 13 2006 - Goodbye old Friend

my guinea pig died tonight.

i know that may sound a bit trivial to some, but he meant alot to me.

i got him three years ago to help pull me out of a depression, and he did.

he seemed a little sick this morning but i thought perhaps it was just a cold. but when i got home just a few minutes ago and went to check on him, he wasn't moving.

he was old so i shouldn't be surprised. but i will miss him.

there were many times he was the only friend i had. sure he peed on me when we tried to watch a movie. and sure i had to clean up his poo, but he was my friend.

i hope he liked me as much as i like him. i wish i had been better too him. i wish i had spent more time with him. i wish i had been here when he passed.

you were my only friend when i needed one most.

thank you sherman, i will miss you.

Sherman 2003-2006

Nov 9, 2006 - A good book, a bad cup of coffee, and a dear friend

Let me say it again, God is good.

I'd like to share story with you.

I recently had to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend. And due to geographical and time constraints we were forced to have this conversation over the phone. And I feel it's important to point out here that I HATE talking on the phone, especially about important issues. This time was no different, and our discussion left me feeling rather uneasy.

That night I felt uneasy and restless so I decided to go for a drive. I left the house and started to drive aimlessly, but then I got the urge to go to Borders, which is nothing usual for me. I made it to Borders and planned on sitting by myself and reading. But as I was standing at the café I turned to see my friend walk in. Now it's by no means unusual that either one of us would be at Borders at any particular time, but that we both felt the urge to be there at this time, on this night.

We were able to talk a bit more. I know I left feeling a lot better, and I hope she did too. So glad we were able to say goodbye face to face.

I have a million other stories like these, as I think most of us do if we look for them. But sometimes I forget how good God is, it's nice to be reminded every now and then.

Nov 4, 2006 - Good Measure

sometimes i forget how good God is.

i've been complaining about the money i've had to spend on my car lately. despite the fact that i've had almost no problems with it in the 5 years i've had it. and it's almost 10 years old.

but when i got home today there was a check from the IRS for almost the exact amount i need to get my car fixed.

"Good measure, pressed down shaken together, runnin' over all supplied by Jehovah Jirah, the supernatural supervisor. Surprise watch supplies rise." Good Measure - Knowdaverbs (verbs7)

Nov 4, 2006 - 1066

i feel like i should be doing something.

i don't know what.

but i feel like there's something more that i'm meant for.

i want to move to Ireland and start over.

i want to sell everything i own and give the money to the poor.

i want to travel the world climbing mountains.

i want to be bold.

i want to want to enough to actually do it.

i want change, but i know when i've asked for it before God gives it to me in drastic and frightening ways.

baby steps; maybe i'll get out of the house, take a vacation, tithe, take a hike in the woods, talk to a pretty girl.
maybe maybe maybe.

Aug 8, 2006 - Finding God

I searched for Him in the wilderness, but i did find Him

I searched for Him in the eyes of love, but He was not there

I searched for Him in a melody, but i could not hear Him

I searched for Him in a breeze, but i did not feel Him

have i not looked long enough
or would i even know if He were there

I know He is in the flower as it dies

I know He is in the moonlight that shimmers in her eyes

I know He is in the song i cannot write

I know He is in the breath i cannot find

God is just were i left Him
I have to find my way back there

Aug 01 2006 - When No One Is Around

the sky is just starting to turn pink, the sun will be up before too long. and here i am still awake, and blogging AGAIN. i guess i just feel like i need someone to talk to and this is as close as i get to real human interaction.

you know when you're starting to get tired and your mind hasn't switched off yet. instead it's racing and tripping over itself. i love this time. usually it's when i get some really good writting done. other times though i dwell on things. things that can't be changed. that shouldn't be changed. and even if i could or should i'm not sure what i really want to change.

i've been thinking alot about aliens and mountain climbing. not together, although i wonder if aliens would be good climbers.

i'm looking at the stupid pic while i'm writting and hating it. i can't stand being vain, yet i am. i've always admired the people who seem so comfortable in their skin. i am not. i don't want to care about looks, and worry only about who i am. but i run everyday, not for health reasons, not to play soccer better, not even to pass my run for the army, but to shed a few pounds so maybe i'll look better. i find myself leaving the tv on a channel that's showing some new amazing hair-regrowing product and wondering if it really works.

i love online games. there you are admired or despised simply on you ability and atitude.

i'm tired of bars. i love to have a few drinks with good friends at a nice quiet place, but that doesn't seem to be what i do anymore. i go to bars to hang out with some people i only kind of like. and i drink, not because i like it, although i do, but because it makes me feel good. i miss just hanging out at someones house and watching movies or playing video games. i miss going to coffee shops and talking about politics and philosophy and relgion. and pretending that any of us have any clue what we're talking about. i miss long drives with a good friend and some good music. i miss me.

loneliness isn't a sad thing for me anymore. i've realized that God uses it to force me to examine myself. and no i don't like what i see. and it's not that i see a fat, balding, loser. i see an apathetic, bitter, fool.
"as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his folly."
again and again i've turned my back on God. not in open rebellion, but in quiet neglect. a soul has to be fed just like the body and i've starved mine for so long yet i expect it to be strong when i need it too.

so in my solitude i will find strength. not a strength based in physical beauty, but my body is a temple and it will be well adorned. not a strength based on realtionships with others. but i will keep those who can stand by me and wonder at the awesomeness of this life. and for those who only want my company so they won't be drinking alone, and for those who i see only when i beg for their company, - i don't need you anymore. for those of you who do love and care for me. please don't think this is some sorta self-loathing rant, or an attempt at pity. be happy for me. my skin feels like it's fitting a little better now.

for now i'll fix myself a cup of tea. go outside and have another cigarette. and hope i remember this all when i wake up.

July 22 2006 - Thunderstorms and cigarettes

i'm planning on trying a new church on sunday. i haven't been to church for a couple months now. i tried going a few times since i've been home, but it never felt right. at the church i'd been going to before i left for iraq people asked me if i was home from college. nice to know they cared enough to know where i actually was. and the pastor said some things that really offened me. another church i attended on sunday nights had hurt someone i care alot about. i even tried going to my parents church, but although i'm friends with quite a few people there i never felt quite right.

i haven't been going anywhere because i told myself i needed to figure out what it means to be a good christian for myself. and not be told what that is. but i think a big part of it was i had not been to church in over a year and rarely spent time talking with God or reading the Bible. so when i did go i felt a bit like a stranger in His house.

hopefully things will go better this sunday.

i saw some lightning, i think it's gonna rain again.

June 28 2006 - One

spend much time with me and you'll hear me talk about doing our part to better mankind. but get to know me well and you'll find i'm a total hypocrite.

what have i done? how have i made a difference?

i don't want to stand up and speak out, and wait for others to take action.

so i will take a step, even if a small one. i will stumble time and again, but i will keep walking. hopefully i will find others along my way. and together we can help to carry one another.

but perhaps the greatest struggle is that there is no ultimate goal to be reached. but rather a journey to a more just world that must be traveled each and every day. so we will carry on the work begun long before us, and pray for others more able than ourselves to follow us.

June 01 2006 - Drifting

when a driver tries to drift he oversteers through a turn
balancing the car on the thin line between excitement and out of control.

most accidents happen when the driver will feel the car teetering over the line, and try to regain control.

but the car is not actually out of control, instead it is actually trying to straighten itself.

we've spent so much time tunning and preparing for this race and then don't trust the vehicle we've been given.

we over-compensate for minor mistake and end up crashing head first into a wall and blame our car.

and don't forget to buckle up

MAy 28 2006 - This Isn't Working

so it's 4am and i'm still awake.

my head hurts.

if i could only stop thinking about the way i wish things were
when i should be dreaming about them, maybe i'd fall asleep.

but although my body gave up hours ago, my mind races on.

oh won't you shut up stupid brain or i'll stab you with a q-tip again.

Mar 6 2006 - Patriot Act Part 3 (Love and Peace or Else)

You've been kind enough to read my ramblings this long so I suppose I owe you some sort of conclusion.

How do we fight terrorism?

As most of you may know I'm a huge U2 fan. Their latest album was titled How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. The story behind the title is an interesting one, and pertinent to the question of how to fight terrorism.

The story goes that Bono was having a discussion with Michael W. Smith on politics and religion. And Bono posed the question to Smith, "Do you know how to dismantle an atomic bomb?" Smith of course didn't know. Bono's answer, "With love."

This is, in a very simplistic form, the answer to the war on terrorism. We could kill a million terrorist, but as long as the conditions that created them still exist more will replace them.

There are several conditions which spawn terrorism, but the greatest is poverty. It is a fairly simple equation, poverty = violence. And the greater the poverty the greater the violence. If you look in any city in America you will see that the poorer neighborhoods have a much higher rate of violent crime. This is not caused by any racial, social, or even cultural factors, but by the destitution of the people.

And in cases of extreme, wide spread, poverty the danger is even greater. It is in these conditions that people will listen to a leader who offers them any reason for hope. Whether that hope is financial improvement, national pride, or religious zeal. When asked why the German people followed Hitler one man answered "Because he made the trains run on time." Germany had suffered an extreme depression following World War I and Hitler offered hope, both economically and in national pride. Similar stories could be told of Stalin, Mao, and Bin Laden.

I know that the idea of more foreign aide makes many people furious, but lets forget for a moment that the US is dead last in percent of national budget spent on aide and look at it from a very practical, national defense, point of view.

If we build schools in the Middle East children won't have to go to a Madras that teaches them to hate America. If we build jobs in the Asia a man may not be as willing to sacrifice himself for a cause (many terrorist organizations regularly recruit orphans and street kids to become suicide bombers, because they feel they have nothing to lose.) And if we give medicine to Africa people will have the simple hope to see tomorrow.

Are there times that this will not be enough? Of course, there will be times when force is necessary. But when these times do come, if we have done everything up to that point to provide for the people, we are much more likely to be welcomed as "liberators" instead of "invaders". And if so the chances of a large scale insurgency like we are now seeing in Iraq is much less likely. Che Guevara said in his field manual "Guerrilla Warfare" that you must have the populous on your side to have any chance at victory.

Perhaps most importantly if we have done all we can to exterminate the causes of terrorism, but are still forced into conflict we can do so with a certain amount of ethical clarity. Every soldier attempts to justify the reasons why he does what he must do. For most soldiers I know and from what I've heard from veterans of Vietnam and Somalia it comes down to the man on your right or on you left. We do our best to leave the politics to the politicians. But a man fighting for something he believes in is more valuable than any new military technology.

War is never a good thing, but war without conviction is pure evil.

Mar 6 2006 - Patriot Act Part 2 (Bullet the Blue Sky)

A lot of people have been talking about the good we're doing here. The need to stomp out oppression and terrorism. I applaud your ideals, but wonder how deeply your convictions run. Would you feel as supportive if our troop were in Somalia, North Korea, Iran, Liberia, or the Balkans? Or what if we attacked our allies like Saudi Arabia and Kuwait who commit many of the same atrocities that gave us cause to label Hussein a "mad man"?

I have no problem playing the role of the world's police, but I do not want to be a crooked cop who looks the other way when blatant crimes are committed in front of my face. And we need to hold ourselves accountable to the same principles we attempt to enforce on others.

We need to decide what it means to be the "last super-power". If we are to truly rid the world of terror then we have to be willing to go places we don't want to go and do things that we condemn other nations for.

I don't believe our nation is ready to do what would have to be done, nor am I sure that I myself am ready. And it may not yet be necessary. Perhaps there are other solutions than a global war on terrorism. Or perhaps it's a combination of the two.

One of my pet peeves is when people complain and point out things they think are wrong, but fail to offer an alternative solution. I may disagree with your ideas, but if you have none you're just a whiner. So I dare not rant on like this without any suggestions of my own, but this blog has gone on long enough so for that see part 3.

Mar 6 2006 - Patriot Act Part 1 (Over Here, Over There)

Monday, March 06, 2006
Patriot Act - I (Over Here, Over There)
Current mood: aggravated
Lately I've been getting a lot of "patriotic" emails and posts, so I felt the need to say something in reply.

For those who may not know I'm a member of the Army National Guard currently serving in Iraq. And let me say for the record, that I do love my country and am proud to serve. I just felt the need to clear up a few things.

First of all please do not feel sorry for us, feel lonely without us. And DO NOT pity us, pray for us.

Also if you have never served or been deployed to a combat zone, please do not try and tell me or anyone else how I feel. Just like I don't know what it's like to milk a cow or do time in jail (although I think I have a better idea of what that'd be like now), you don't know what it's like to be here.

For those of you who say you "support our troops", thanks, but what have you done about it? Have you written to a soldier overseas? Have you volunteered at you local USO? As to the statement "support our troops, bring them home", yes that is very supportive. A recent bulletin I received said "every single one of our troops wouldn't go home right now because they are over there to protect the ones they love." Well I can't speak for every soldier, but this one and almost every soldier I know didn't want to come here and can't wait to get home. For the large majority we don't know why we're here and we don't feel like we are defending anyone's freedom.

Most of us are just trying to understand why it is we are really here. And we are all doing our best to just get home.

Jan 01, 2006 - church of logic, sin, and love

In the churches I used to go to, I felt like I didn’t fit in. I always felt like the adopted kid, as if there was “room at the table for me.” Do you know what I mean? I was accepted but not understood. There was room at the table for me, but I wasn’t in the family.

…And yet another thing about the churches I went to: They seemed to be parrots for the Republican Party. Do we have to tow the party line on every single issue? Are the Republicans that perfect? I just felt like, in order to be a part of the family, I had to think George W. Bush was Jesus. And I didn’t. I didn’t think that Jesus really agreed with a lot of the policies of the Republican Party or for that matter the Democratic Party. I felt like Jesus was a religious figure, not a political figure. I heard my pastor say once, when there were only a few of us standing around, that he hated Bill Clinton. I can understand not liking Clinton’s policies, but I want my spirituality to rid me of hate, not give me reason for it. I couldn’t deal with that. That is one of the main reasons I walked away. I felt like, by going to this particular church, I was a pawn for the Republicans. Meanwhile, the Republicans did not give a crap about the causes of Christ

Only one more thing that bugged me, then I will shut up about it. War metaphor. The churches I attended would embrace war metaphor. They would talk about how we are in a battle, and I agreed with them, only they wouldn’t clarify that we were battling poverty and hate and injustice and pride and the powers of darkness. They left us thinking that our war was against liberals and homosexuals. Their teaching would have me believe I was the good person in the world and the liberals were the bad people in the world. Jesus taught that we are all bad and He is good, and He wants to rescue us because there is a war going on and we are hostages in that war. The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals, and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves. Anything short of this is not true to the teachings of Jesus…

…So here is a step-by-step formula for how you, too, can go to a church without getting angry:

Pray that God will show you a church filled with people who share your interests and values
Go to the church God shows you
Don’t hold grudges against any other churches. God loves those churches almost as much as He love yours.


From Donal Miller's "Blue Like Jazz"

Thanks Don, you said it better than I ever could have.

Dec 26. 2005 - so this is christmas

i'm back in kuwait, kuwaiting on a flight to iraq.

i spent all of christmas on planes. which was kind of a good thing. since we were flying east christmas only lasted a couple hours for us.

the only problem was that everywhere we went, atlanta, ireland, then finally in kuwait. they wanted to do some sort of special christmas thing for us. but what i really wanted more than anything was to forget that it was christmas at all.

for me christmas happened early, and i can't put a date on it. we had a day when family got together and we exchanged presents, but that wasn't christmas.

christmas for me was sitting in a friends house watching bad tv. or driving around until the wee hours of the morning telling secrets and lame jokes, like we used to.

christmas for me talking to my brother about all the important things in life. politics, religion, art, and of course soccer.

christmas for me was seeing the greatest band on earth play a fantastic show, and sharing it with one of my dearest friends.

christmas for me was seeing a band play a show that was, well, less than fantastic, and sharing it with one of my dearest friends.

christmas for me was the hours spent alone in my car driving back and forth from seeing my friends. time to turn the radio up loud and roll down the window until the tears froze to my face.

so i wasn't home for "christmas day", but every moment of joy given to me by the people i love was better than 24 hours of a christmas story.

so to all my friends, thank you.
i'll see you all again soon

RE: Blog

So I'm getting rid of my myspace account, but I thought that I've got some really good blogs on there. So I'm going to take the best of those and put them here. So they won't be new, but they'll be here for you.

Your's is fast and mine is slow

I went to World Changers last week in Buffalo. It was my first World Changers, and I have to say that it was amazing. I came home tired and smelling like old feet, but more importantly I came home changed.
While I was there I was challenged. To watch so many young people eager to praise God and hear from His Word, and then wonder why we don't have this all the time at home. Some people could say that it's that "mountain top" environment you get on a mission trip, or that the other kids were just more spiritual. Well I think that's a bunch of crap.
I think the problem is that we sell our youth short. We think that because they may be spiritually immature we've got to just play games with them and tell them a cute and cozy little Bible story. But perhaps they're spiritually immature because we just play games with them and tell them a cute and cozy little Bible story.
Instead we should be challenging them to truly follow Jesus Christ. We should not only be praying for them, but with them. We should teach them what it truly means to pray and how to be followers of Christ, and how to serve others.
It would be the easiest thing in the world to get 100+ youth to show up for a Wednesday night service; basketball, video games, movies, food. That can get you a huge group in no time. But what are you doing with them? Have their lives been impacted for Christ?
To really do what God is calling us to do will take time, we will lose some along the way, but if we follow God will bless with youth who are on fire for Him. Youth who will spread that fire to all of their friends. 10 youth can spread the fire to hundreds of friends. But first we've got to let God ignite the spark.

Sleepless nights

So I recently read about effective witnessing techniques. It talked about if you go out and leave "gospel tracts" lying around where people might find them, then you could go to bed at night with the sense of self-satisfaction that you've planted seeds for the Kingdom.

I couldn't believe what I'd just read. If you truly and honestly had a heart for the lost you would cry yourself to sleep at night, thinking of all the souls you didn't reach.

Jesus wept for the city of Jerusalem because of its unbelief. Jesus didn't leave "gospel scrolls" lying on the money changers table, He didn't give his waitress a fake shekel with her tip that had His message on the back of it. He went into people's homes, got into their lives, and into their hearts.

I pray that God will give me a heart that breaks for the lost. A heart that always asks what more could I have done. A heart that is never satisfied.

A New Beginning

So I've pretty much given up on blogging on myspace, and made my way over here. I'm sure that I won't write regularly, but I'll try to keep up with it.
Of course no one's reading this now so I'll shut up.