Things to do when I'm dead

There is a new company out called Holy Smokes who will help your loved ones to remember you in a very unique way. They will take your ashes and form them into a fully functioning bullet. When I first heard about this I thought "what a great idea!"

Imagine this:You've been killed by a band of murderous desperados and your only son has sworn vengeance on the culprits. HE's tracked them down, killing them off one by one until he finally has the leader cornered in an abandoned mill. He lies on the ground, already shot once in the stomach, begging your son for mercy. Your son steps closer and leans over the bandit, raising his pistol. The man feverishly begs for forgiveness, you son cocks the hammer looking the bandit in the eyes; "Forgiveness is between you and my father, I'm just here to arrange the meeting". He pulls the trigger and a bullet containing your very ashes tears through the bandit's skull, killing him instantly.

Of course if you die from something more mundane the Holy Smokes bullets may prove much less practical (it is rather difficult to shoot heart disease in the face). Of course there are plenty of other ways to be remembered that I find much less tasteful; the "in memory of" stickers on cars, memorial pages on Facebook, etc. I not going to argue the merits of these "memorials" but did you mean to equate the memory of a loved one with your support of a politician that's not quite as bad as the other guy, or your enjoyment of watching Calvin pee on various makes of cars? I won't even get into what happens when you sell the car or trade it in, but there was a time when loved ones would "go into mourning".

 A widowed spouse seen dressed in anything in black, or even out of their house within a month of the love-one's passing would have been ostracized in polite society.Perhaps the problem is that we do not properly know how to publicly grieve for those we have lost. While I cannot speak for all I know how I wish to be remembered so here are some helpful tips to prevent me from haunting your car.

Black Armbands:
I'm not sure there's a more classy way to show you're in mourning. It's simple and almost elegant. Of course you should probably be wearing a suit with a fedora when you wear it, but we should probably bring those back anyway.

Plant a Tree:
What says "your memory will live on" more than planting a tree? Those things can live for hundreds of years, long past your descendants.

Name Something After Me:
Of course you'll need it to be something that will be around for a while, don't name your goldfish after me. I was thinking more along the lines of a building, or a city or something. The star registry would be a good move, but most of them are hoaxes and most of those stars are already dead. If you can manage to discover something that would be an excellent opportunity (while I'd stay away from diseases and disorders, spelunking offers much that is still undiscovered and waiting to be named).

Commission a Work of Art:
My aunt and uncle have a painting hanging in their dining room. It is a portrait done by Don Teimeir of their son Michael who passed away shortly after he was born. Besides being a beautiful painting it is a beautiful way to remember Michael. It will be a family heirloom passed down for generations, ensuring that Michael will never be forgotten.As a matter of personal preference I'm hoping for a giant statue looming over the city in my honor.

Get a Tattoo:

Obviously this isn't for everyone, but if you've ever thought to yourself "I'd really like to get a tattoo, but I don't know what of" here's your chance. It'll be meaningful and doubtfully you'll ever end up regretting it. And the variations here are endless, from simply getting their name to an elaborate design.


Start a Charity or Scholarship:
I believe that the measure of a man's life is how much better the world is for him having lived in it. Talk about a legacy; people you don't know, generations after you've passed, could have their lives touched because of you.

Complete a Quest:
I'm going to fill you in on a little secret; this one will be in my will. After my funeral pyre has died down to a smoldering hill, one or more of my loved ones will gather my ashes and spread them at predetermined places around the world. Of course this won't be spelled out precisely; they will be given clues to complete their quests. The locations won't be easy to get to either, but the sacrifice of the journey will be a memorial in itself. And the memory of the time they trekked through the Andes Mountains or sailed on the Indian Ocean will help to keep the memory of myself alive.

Whatever you do, remember that the goal is to honor the dead not popularize them. It doesn't matter how many "likes" you get on Facebook or how many people see your bumper sticker, it doesn't change the significance, or lack thereof of the life that was lost. Ultimately we should do our best to live lives that the deceased would be proud to know are being lived in their honor.