5 types of people who make me hate the concert-going public

Last night I saw U2 live for the 7^th time. It was a great show, the only issues with the performance was that for some reason they insist on continuing to play the techno-y version of I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight and they replaced Ultraviolet in the set list with Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me. I like Hold Me… but Ultraviolet is one of my all-time favorite U2 songs.

But all-in-all it was an excellent performance. The only real problem were my fellow concert-goers. As I watched the menagerie of idiots around me I began to notice that they are not all alike, each is abundantly annoying in their own unique way.

So here are the 5 types of people who make me hate the concert-going public:

Early Exiters:

I always wonder if these people have ever been to a concert before. The band leaves the stage, the house lights are still down, the house music hasn’t kicked on, and oh yeah they haven’t played their biggest hit yet. Guess what… the concert’s not over yet.
Either you don’t understand how the whole “anchor” thing works or you’re in such a hurry to get out of the parking lot that you’re willing to miss the two anchors and five songs that are still to come. Either way you don’t deserve your tickets and should give them to someone who will at least stay for the entire show.

 Seriously dudes just turn around, the band is playing right now.. the concert is not over.

Drunken Dancers:

Not all people dancing like drunken idiots can be grouped together so here are the three sub-groups of Drunken Dancers listed in order from least to most annoying –

 1.      The Get-Down Man – Ok drunk guy playing air guitar and singing into your pretend microphone I can live with you. Sure you’re destracting but you’re enjoying the show so that’s ok, I guess

2.      Big Mac – You’ve managed to find some subjectively attractive girl who may or may not be intoxicated. You figure you’ve got a pretty good with shot with her here in the midst of the fun of the concert, I get that. When I was single I wouldn’t have been above this move if I wasn’t deathly afraid of talking to strange girls. But here’s the thing; you paid $50 bucks for these tickets and $9 a piece for those beers, if all you wanted to do was pick up chicks you could’ve done that down at the bar for no cover and $3 a beer. So just chill and both of you enjoy the show; besides she’ll be passed out in the parking lot after the show.

3.      Party Girl – You’re a lot like big mac but oh so much worse. You’re not dancing out of joy for the music like Get-Down but you’re not even trying to hook up with anyone; you just want everyone in your section looking at you. You throw your hands in the air randomly and spent more time turned around talking with your friends and taking pictures of each other. But here’s the thing; no one’s here to see you. We paid our hard earned cash to watch the band on stage so why don’t you save us the annoyance and yourself the money and next time skip the concert and take Big Mac down to the club and debate which element of GTL is most important.

Kids:

This does not apply to all kids. Some kids are awesome and can hang for an entire rock concert and even enjoy it. But some kids end up puking on my wife’s foot. I don’t blame the kid for being a little hurling loser. His mother had been babying him for the entire time: “Drink all your water”, “Are your earplugs working ok?”, “Is your mommy an overbearing nut?” (ok that last one may have been me). If you’ve spent your child’s entire life molding them into a spineless little worm that still needs to warm itself in its mothers bossom than maybe you hire a freaking babysitter next time.

 this kid could hang

People who get mad at the band for being…. themselves:

Bono introduced the songs Scarlet and Walk On by talking about Aung San Suu Kyi to which a guy next to me exclaimed “Burma! What the f*&%!” For a moment lets forget that this is an extremely worthy cause that U2 has been instrumental in bringing worldwide attention to, or the fact that Walk On is actually about Aung San Suu Kyi. You’re at a U2 concert, you know they’re going to talk politics. It’s part of who they are as a band. 

You wouldn’t go to a Nickelback concert and complain about them sucking would you?

Myself:
So there I was watching the greatest band in the world put on an excellent show and I spent most of it paying attention to all these annoying people and coming up with this stupid list. Focus Tim, this is an amazing moment just enjoy it.